
I guess this is my favorite photo of Chloe (my longtime blog portrait photo) because it’s of us together in good times, and she flirts with the camera with that white-tipped tail of hers.
Once she’s gone, through the tears, your mind rewinds right back to the beginning.
It was almost love at first sight. I had been doing some online match.com searching for some time, but I had never picked a female out of an online lineup before. I saw her face on a small picture and wasn’t totally sure. It was mostly black, so when I picked her I whimsically dubbed her my “soul sista.”
But there was also a large white spot on her right side next to her nose, what I came to think of as her beauty mark. It helped to tip me off she was a calico, with plenty of golden-orange and brown, some delightful white highlights and a big white breast.
I had buried my last cat Maggie, who died in my home, not a long time previously. So, across the whole Milwaukee-area Human Society website this one had grabbed me. I got right into my car and drove from my Riverwest home up to the Ozaukee Couty Humane Society on Highway 33.
When I got there, I called Chloe’s name and she immediately emerged from her little hovel and came up and peered at me through the glass. Yep, the black face and the white spot and she was a wonderfully colored girl.

Calico Chloe transfixed by a butterfly.
She had just turned six and was spayed and microchipped, so she seemed healthy though I knew no more about her background. She was friendly and social right away, and when I got her home she took to her new digs without much adjustment. Behavior patterns emerged quickly. She relished sitting on my lap and loved to sit or sprawl on my desk under my lamp showing off her plush white belly as I wrote, and even added her two-cents worth to my text with a few choice paw taps here and there.

Chloe the adorable literary lap cat
And right around four each afternoon Chloe appeared and vocally reminded me it was time for her dinner.
She very quickly became queen of my humble upper flat castle, and as it was summer she also loved leading me out to the small front balcony. She was soon jumping atop the railing and haughtily tip-toeing along it, which didn’t unnerve me too much — if she fell forward there were still two feet of roof and a gutter for her to land on. But such latitude only emboldened Miss Chloe.
The way the balcony was cut into the roof, before too long she decided to hop up onto the roof and next thing you know she had disappeared around the living room gable corner. I was a bit concerned and expected her to come back after a little snooping round.
Well, I didn’t see her again until she emerged from the other corner. Sure enough she had found her way up and around the back of the gable which really reached to about two feet below the apex of the roof.
At first, I had wired off, a bit absurdly, the two cat-sized openings at the bottom corners of the front balcony railing. But it was such easy access for her and I was hardly going to ban this roof-romper from the balcony I sat on, so I just prayed for the best and learned to trust the fates a bit with this intrepid young lady.
I thought I’d try to follow her up one day, so I crawled out over the railing and peered around the corner. I’m a former amateur mountaineer from many years ago and have done guided climbs in The Tetons. But now my left hand was lamed by a permanent auto immune neuropathy -– I’m now a one-handed typist — so grabbing the gable roof for security with that hand felt dicey so I ventured no further.
Pretty soon I was getting reports from neighbors who’d spotted that calico parading around the roof, sitting and licking herself when the wind ruffled her and tight-roping a bit on the roof apex and around the heater chimney.
Ah, life was good for this sun-bathing dame.
In time she aged and retired from her high-wire attic antics, as if nothing had ever happened.

Chloe the lovely queen of the abode
Life remained good for the dame for some years, she greeted human visitors with graceful amiability, was never tempted to stray outside downstairs, though ventures into the basement always proved evident when she sauntered up with dust balls in her whiskers.
Yeah, things were quite good until the fateful day when my gal pal Ann moved in with me, when my landlords offered their own more spacious upper flat next door, as they were moving to Mukwanago. It included a roomy space for my book and CD-lined office and a third bedroom that offered Ann some office space but mainly became a cat feeding and litter room.
The catch for Chloe was that Ann’s two male cat were moving in, too. I had always had a female cat living as my sole feline resident. Ann anticipated trouble having dealt with various cats living together.
Dog and cat owners often compare notes and, yes, dogs behave reliably for always needing to ingratiate their owners/feeders. With a cat, he may rub against your leg seductively at chow time, but you just never know what’s in that box-of-chocolate brain and when or how it might pop open.
Big black Taj was a handful, an always rambunctious and sometimes outrageous escape artist we had to constantly guard against when closing the kitchen door which led to the basement.
Now that Taj was moving in, along with a far more meek “brother” named Ravi, all bets were off for the new furry threesome. Chloe soon had hackles and hair raised by Taj’s oafish efforts at playful interaction. He’d didn’t really know how to deal with a female.
Actually he got sick not too long later and passed away, very sadly for Ann and Ravi who’d grown up with him and soon missed his old play pal.
Now rather lost was Ravi — a bit of a Whimpey in a Popeye cartoon…He’d gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger bit today, but only if you gave it to him the quietly enough to not send him running away.
So life simplified for the feline who’d always been the imperious queen of the household with only imaginary subjects. Cat politics hanged drastically. The queen would mess with Ravi, hissing and pawing at him. She was declawed up front when I got her, so she was mostly hot air but the dumb guy cats never seemed to think so.
Then came the Great Ambush in the Tunnel Trick. Ann had brought into the house a long soft cloth tunnel for cats to walk through and play in, as it had a fuzzy ball dangling in the middle of it. It was situated in the dining room pointing towards the center hallway to the kitchen, bedrooms and bath. Chloe got a bright idea, knowing Ravi was just enough of a doofus.
So, she positioned herself at the back end of the tunnel when Ravi was wandering innocently in the center hallway. If he paused the too long, he was dead meat for her.
She spied him through the tunnel, raised her butt up in the air and wiggled it, then shot through like a bullet and in a blink of an eye was on top of poor unsuspecting Ravi, like a vulture on fresh carrion.
Ravi had actually a fair amount of wrestling experience with Taj, so he held his own for the few seconds of Chloe terror.
Cat politics changed yet again when Ann got the bright idea to find a new male buddy for beleaguered Ravi. Problem was, Eddie was a cat kitten who quickly grew into a bit type A-ish personality. “Ish” because he was basically a fraidy cat who spent hours under the bed in fear of any potential visitors or sudden sounds and even me when she was gone — to where I nicknamed his black butt Dracula. That’s just like a bully, really a coward. He would harangue the other two cats plenty as he ballooned into a 14-pound fatso monstrosity and they began to shrink in old age, and Chloe drastically in her last couple of years.
So, I could tell more stories and comedy did abound at times. But this coincided with Chloe’s gradual and finally precipitous decline, mainly from a hyperthyroid condition. As this reflection is really for her, it’s not right to linger long on this era. She loved to chase her tail in the bathtub.
She loved to play with a ball-in-a-circle game and got quite ambidextrous with it before things went bad. As she grew more skeletal she was also ravenously hungry — a Holocaust survivor in her first hours of freedom. Alas, because of that her upchucking gained in frequency and volume and finally her other bodily expressions grew more outside-the-box, but not in any hip way.
I religiously applied transdermal medicine to her ear daily but things grew inevitable for my quite cleanly housemate, increasingly put upon by the messes. Yet Chloe still enjoyed sitting and purring in my lap, to the very last day. I cancelled two euthanasia appointments but a few months later, not the third one.

Chloe’s very last portrait, from my lap.
I’m still lonely and heart aching a couple of weeks later. She also signifies plenty to me, as an aging, childless man. I even miss Chloe bugging me for food, jumping up on me at the crack of dawn to tell me to get my rear in gear. In the semi-darkness, the big white beauty mark on her black face seemed to glow in the dark. Even Ann commented on this.
But it’s May and hope does still spring. Big-fat Eddie has plopped down on my lap a couple times since. And I always have really liked Ravi and even relate to him a bit. After all, we both snore.
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The trumpeter Lee Morgan was a modern jazz legend, the sort who seemed destined to play in a place like The Milwaukee Jazz Gallery. But he died too soon, in 1972. Six years later, the long-celebrated nightclub and community center opened.
I was at the creative wrting festival and i go to wawautosa east i was in one of your seassions and i realy like your poem form the book touch each other i was woundering of you can send me
the poem? It was the last one you read that had us sent into a fit of giggles. it what mean a lot
“Prove to Me” speaks volumes about the sanctity of nature over the war of money. After I read this poem, I immediate bought the book! I have three other books by Antler.
Tom,
You couldn’t have put it more succinctly, about Antler’s newest book. But he’s been speaking powerfully for decades, as you indicate.
Best,
Kevin